Sadness

Today has been a hard day for me. Last night I talked to one of our mutual friends, Jane, who brought me up to date on what happened to Nancy and what the prognosis is.

When she was first diagnosed I did what I always do about sickness, I turned to Blogauthor (you can find her at http://swingfromthechandelier.blogspot.com) for advice. She's really smart about drugs (no she doesn't take them; she can be silly without much of anything except her son), clinical trials and all that stuff. As usual she responded with all kinds of information, but I realized very soon that it was too late for Nancy. Thank you Blogauthor. You are always there for me. I'll do the same for you any day.

Back to Nancy and my angst. She went to ceramics class on Monday, had a long talk with Jane after class, had people for dinner Monday night and then when she woke up Tuesday morning she couldn't speak or move the left side of her body (she's left handed). She may have had the stroke during the night or whenever. We really will never know.

A CAT scan and an MRI confirmed that the metastatic cancer had moved into her brain. That means it's in her brain, lungs, liver and bones. Jane said that her body is simply shutting down. And she's in a lot of pain.

All day I've been thinking about her and what's happening and how quickly it happened. No visitors, which I can respect. I want to remember her the last time we had wine together. I feel terrible that she is being robbed of some wonderful years.

Did I tell you she was a tap dancer? Yes, for many years she tap danced with a group in the San Francisco Bay Area. They even tapped their way through parades. Absolutely destroyed her knees; she said she wouldn't have had it any other way. She loves her tap shoes.

Now I find myself thinking ahead to her memorial service. Nancy also wore hats everywhere; that was her signature. The chemotherapy for her breast cancer made her bald; the hair that grew back was less than glorious. Thus she started to wear hats. I'm going to encourage all of her friends to wear hats to her memorial.

Getting old really sucks.